Specify who Gale is. (Pretty much include the surname)
As time passed, he found Gale again when she was working chasing a shikigami. Insert a comma between working and chasing.
If I find you special, I will let you live. If I cannot find you my special person, Rather confusing. Maybe you meant, "If I do not find you special, then I will kill you"?
Many things changed, but behind those gloves, Replace 'behind' with 'underneath'
Gale and his twin brother, Laguna, Gale's a girl. :|
very well, despite their differences; he was charmed by the seductive personality of the older man. The Semi-Colon is misplaced a bit. Maybe start a new sentence saying that Laguna found Ultimecia interesting?
He never let them alone if he was in the house, let = left?
...I sort of call him Ultimecian in my head, btw. :| When I don't call him Dudecia. Ffff. I don't know, Ultimecian sounds a bit more "male"-ish to my brain. ^^;
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timeasmymeasure
Ok a bit of Dudecia's app/history but I'll continue the rest later
Date: 2010-02-19 01:36 am (UTC)As time passed, he found Gale again when she was working chasing a shikigami. Insert a comma between working and chasing.
If I find you special, I will let you live. If I cannot find you my special person, Rather confusing. Maybe you meant, "If I do not find you special, then I will kill you"?
Many things changed, but behind those gloves, Replace 'behind' with 'underneath'
Gale and his twin brother, Laguna, Gale's a girl. :|
very well, despite their differences; he was charmed by the seductive personality of the older man. The Semi-Colon is misplaced a bit. Maybe start a new sentence saying that Laguna found Ultimecia interesting?
He never let them alone if he was in the house, let = left?
...I sort of call him Ultimecian in my head, btw. :| When I don't call him Dudecia. Ffff. I don't know, Ultimecian sounds a bit more "male"-ish to my brain. ^^;